- me: It seems that I am not immediately excellent at this
- me: it is because I am a failure
- me: everything I touch dies
My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said “ahh, it’s like making love in a canoe.” and I said, “it’s that good?” and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, “no, it’s fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away.
Oh my GOD.
Extreme dad jokes.
I swear to god bruh
Let me catch you in the streets
Bruh I swear to god
*listens to arctic monkeys for the first time*
*5 minutes later*
are girls still pretending they don’t masturbate?
I dunno, is society still teaching girls that anything related to their genitals is dirty and impure?
So, real talk for a second guys
If you ever accidentally call 911, DON’T HANG UP. Stay on the line and tell the calltaker that you accidentally dialed. When you hang up, we either have to call you back or send out police which takes up valuable resources and wastes money. A simple “It was an accident” is all we need and everyone goes about their life much better
u ever look at pics of ur bf/gf and be like
i did fuckin good